News - Bush Warns Americans They Are 'Still Not Safe'...

Today the president announced to the American public that they are not free from the consequences of happenstance and well, just life in general. “Hey, shit happens,” a cavalier George Bush pronounced as his Secret Service department ushered him and his family aboard an armored and fully F16 escorted Air Force One to vacation for the 30th time this year in Crawford Texas. “Hell, I could be hit by a sausage truck driven by Osama hisself, at any moment, even on the golf course. That’s why we need to re-elect me so I can keep us on the right path and get the job done.” Polls show half of all Americans are still scared shitless almost all the time and think Salem style witch-hunts are probably a good thing, agreeing with the Bush administration that the Patriot Act powers should be increased. Bush and Fox news both think this is a reaction of “sensible” Americans and Attorney General Ashcroft is more than ready to assume the post of chief judge and executioner for the State saying, “God’s word is best served with a stake burning here and there and this just plain proves it.”