Nation's school districts differ on drinking water standards...

After decades of finally coming to grips with Ronald Reagan’s proclamation that catsup is a vegetable and as soon as welfare mothers understood that, wasteful government spending would cease and desist, the Nations school districts are now in a quandary as to what is water and what isn’t. Depending on where one lives, Perrier is not real water because it’s French, Mexican water is okay because they make Corona out of it and no one gets sick from that, the water around Three Mile Island, Love Canal, and Hanford are all fortified with vitamins, and high octane pop sold in vending machines in school hallways is better than anything because it just is.