This Is a Stick-Up! Fry Me Some Eggs!

With healthcare costs escalating and many healthcare plans financially out of reach for an alarming number of fixed income seniors, the reality of having to substitute healthcare for food is becoming more prevalent. As a result, a wave of food crimes are occurring throughout the nation as hungry old people are breaking into homes around mealtime and forcing their captives, sometime at gunpoint, to fix them a plate of food. Other than DNA left on a fork, law enforcement officials say tracking the perps is difficult, since the evidence has been consumed. No harm or injury has been reported to the victims however threatening behavior was noticed to increase when the eggs are too runny or the potatoes were burnt.