Study Says Condoms Contain Cancer-Causing Substance

In a rare stunning victory handed to the religious right by their biggest nemesis (science), at last there is proof that at least one birth control method is harmful to your health. A spokesperson for the Catholic Church stated, “this is a great day for the rhythm method and abstinence for properly dispersing babies throughout the course of a marriage. We were right all along and this proves it.” Baptists and evangelicals chimed in adding that all this immoral fornicating promoted by the availability of that foul rubber tube snake will now stop and we will see a proper return to overpopulation, increased transmission of disease, and increased poverty including higher infant mortality rates just like its supposed to be.