Pediatrician Warns Parents About Cicadas

Oh foul and ugly curse whose existences consist of a 48 hour drunken spree complete with birth, metamorphosis, sex, a meal, and then death, thy appearance every seventeen years is a plague on all that is manicured and one with the cul de sac. Hedges and lawns, trees and shrubs, all infested with your ilk and brood and for what purpose? To deaden the night with sounds unearthly, smothering even the wailing Amtrak or pestering tunes of the ice cream truck. Clogging lawn mowers with thousands of your discarded carcasses because their harmonics sound of the mating call? Chasing blue haired ladies unknowingly into heavy oncoming traffic? I think not. Your purpose is to capture children and replace them with clones that are born from the cocoons you leave behind. These insidious duplicates drive our new cars, eat all our food, scratch our CD’s, and drink our beer. We are on to you. We will stop you.